Smother
by rangerbabe8935
Summary: This is a story is built upon a series of songs that I happened to hear on break at work one day. It has a lot of angst and Babes, don't be discouraged. I am a Babe and all of my stories are Babes. This is rated M for future content
1. Will It Start a Fight?

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters belong to Janet Evanovich and I am selfishly using them to ease an urge to write a story that has been gnawing on my mind for a few days.

Will It Start a Fight?

I missed him. Joe and I decided to really give it a chance after the Scrog mess. I realized that I loved him and that I should try to give _us _a real chance. Ranger was kind of withdrawn and had left us alone. The only time I went to the Bonds office anymore was to visit Connie and Lula. Sometimes I would see him. Most of the time I didn't. He avoided me. We both got kind of sad seeing each other. Ranger had backed off a little with the bounty business as well. I heard from Lula that he was spending more time with his family.

After a while I stopped going to the Bonds office too. I hated the pitying looks that the girls gave me. They didn't understand that this was the way I was supposed to be. Everyone agreed. My mom and Joe and the Burg. I was supposed to sit at home and be a good little housewife. Joe and I were engaged now. I went to lunches with Mary Lou and the other girls that did the Burg proud. My mom was happy and so was Joe. Everyone was happy but me.

I missed Ranger. I dreamed of him last night. Joe was out on a case in New York and I was all alone. I decided to call him.

"Yo." I didn't speak.

"Stephanie?"

"Hi Ranger."

"What's wrong? Why are you calling so late?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine. He whispered."

"Why are you whispering?"

"My um…my girlfriend is in the other room."

"Decided to give a relationship a try?"

"Yeah. She is a nice girl."

"That's good. Does she know about me? I mean that I am calling?"

"No. The guys have kept their mouths shut. She doesn't have a clue and that is how I want it to stay. Listen, does Morelli know you are calling? Wouldn't that start a fight?"

"He is out of town. I was alone and I dreamed of you last night. I felt like I needed to call you. I miss you." I was close to tears.

"Stephanie, I can't talk to you like this. It would be too hard to stay faithful. I really want to give this life a try. I gave you Morelli. That is what you chose. Please don't tease me again."

"I think I still love you."

"I guess we never really got over each other."

"No. It was nice to talk to you though Ranger. Have a good life."

"You too Stephanie. Just remember not to lose yourself. I missed hearing your voice. It has changed though. It doesn't sound like you."

"I'm fine."

"Take care Stephanie."

"You too Ranger." I hung up and a terrible feeling settled over me. I had lost myself. I wasn't happy. Ranger had moved on and now I was all alone in this world.

_This fic is a series of songs that make up a soundtrack to a really angst-y story. This chapter was obviously Lips of an Angel by Hinder. This is just my take on what the sound could mean. Here are the Lyrics:_

_Honey why you calling me so late?  
It's kinda hard to talk right now.  
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?  
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud_

Well, my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on  
It's really good to hear your voice say my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight  
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too  
And does he know you're talking to me  
Will it start a fight  
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on  
It's really good to hear your voice say my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice say my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

_The next Chapter will be Numb_


	2. Numb

Standard Disclaimer

Numb

I hated my life now. A few weeks ago I was just unhappy. Now I hated it. I could only go out with married Burg girls. I couldn't be a Bounty Hunter. I had learned to cook. My house was spotless. I visited my parents a lot and had turned into another Burg clone. I could find Wonder Woman. I had lost her. She abandoned me.

I was at another dinner at my parents' house with Joe when I realized this. I wasn't me anymore. It was like an epiphany. It just hit me that this wasn't what I wanted. My mom must have seen a look on my face because the next thing I knew she was asking if I had finally gotten pregnant.

"No mom. I am not pregnant. I haven't even been trying. I have been taking birth control."

"What? Why. You are going to marry Joseph. Why are you still taking birth control?"

"Because I don't want kids right now. The very thought makes me shiver." I was still in a daze. I couldn't control my mouth.

"We discussed this Cupcake. Don't talk to your mother like that. She is just trying to help you." I started seeing clearer and I got angry for the first time since the Scrog mess. Since Joe had convinced me to move in.

"I'm tired of this!"

"Tired of what Stephanie?" My mom was baffled.

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be. I feel like I have lost faith in myself. I feel like the real me is just under the surface, but you keep pushing me back down. I don't know what you expect of me! You put so much pressure on me to take after you! That isn't me! Every thing that I do that is me is just another mistake to you. I've become so numb. I don't know why I am becoming this. This is not me. I want to be more like me and less like you. Can't you see that you are smothering me? You are holding on too tightly. You are afraid to lose control of me. Both of you. Everything you thought I would be just isn't me. I'm sorry but I can't pretend anymore."

"Cupcake. Settle down. I'll take her home Mrs. Plum. She must have inhaled too many Clorox fumes."

"Okay Joseph, come by later this week when you are feeling better."

It didn't matter to them that I wasn't happy. This is who they wanted me to be and they would do everything necessary to make me that way. I was brimming with anger by the time I got home.

_Hope you enjoyed. I know that my characters are a little over the top, but that is how they have to be in order for this to work. I need some reviews, so, review me!! This chapter was based on the song Numb by Linkin Park._


	3. One Step Closer to Hating You

Standard Disclaimer.

One Step Closer to Hating Everything About You

"I can't take this anymore! Everything I said before is true!"

"Stephanie! You were doing so well. Why are you doing this now? Is it Ranger?"

"Ranger! No! This is about me. I am not happy and no one seems to care! This isn't me Joe!"

"Cupcake." He started in a condescending voice.

"Shut up! Shut up for once when I am talking to you! I want to tell you how I feel without you interrupting. Everything that you keep saying to me is sending me one step closer to the edge. I'm about to break. I need a little room to breath. Between your mother, my mother and you I am smothering. I'm about to break!"

"Why are you really doing this?"

"Why do you love me?"

"What kind of a question is that?"

"It is an honest one. Why do you love me?"

"Why do you love me?" He countered.

"I don't know. I hate everything about you. I don't know why I love you. You seem to hate everything about me too. Why do you love me?"

With that said Joe rolled his eyes and went upstairs to go to bed.

_This was a short chapter but it got across what I wanted. No one is paying attention to Stephanie and this leads into the more angst-y part of the story. This chapter is a combo of two songs. Linkin Park's One Step Closer and I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace._

I cannot take this anymore  
I'm saying everything I've said before   
All these words they make no sense  
I find bliss in ignorance   
Less I hear the less you'll say  
But you'll find that out anyway

Just like before...

Everything you say to me   
Takes me one step closer to the edge  
And I'm about to break   
I need a little room to breathe  
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge  
And I'm about to break

I find the answers aren't so clear  
Wish I could find a way to disappear  
All these thoughts they make no sense  
I find bliss in ignorance  
Nothing seems to go away  
Over and over again

Chorus

Shut up when I'm talking to you  
Shut up, shut up, shut up (2x)

I'm about to break!

Chorus

Everytime we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet  
Every roomate kept awake  
By every silent scream we make  
All the feelings that I get  
But I still dont missed you yet  
Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you

Every time we lie awake  
After every hit we take  
Every feeling that I get  
But I haven't missed you yet  
Only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you

Only when I stop to think about you  
I know  
Only when you stop to think about me  
Do you know

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you  
You hate everything about me  
Why do you love me

I hate  
You hate  
I hate  
You love me

I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you


	4. Save Me from Home

I started going over to Mooner's place. He hooked me up with some really good stuff that helped me to lose myself. If I couldn't be myself and I was supposed to be a drone, then I was going to have a good time getting there. No one even noticed. I was happy all the time. On the outside at least. Joe didn't notice the needle marks. He never really noticed anything. As long as I had dinner on the table and I was compliant enough to fuck him then he didn't care. Mooner showed me how to conceal the marks.

I was always stoned. Joe was a cop and he never noticed the amount of drugs being taken in his house. I used my allowance on it. That's right. Allowance. He gave me so much money a week to spend on makeup and shoes and 'shit to make me look good.' Well I spent it on shit to make me feel good. I was disappointed in myself. I knew that Ranger would be disappointed too, but he left. He moved to Miami to be with his daughter.

I think that Tank might have noticed. He saw me at a bar on Stark picking up some merchandise one night. He just looked at me and shook his head.

I got so stoned today that I lost track of time. I forgot to make dinner. Joe was pissed.

"What the fuck did you do all day? This place is a mess! You didn't even cook dinner! Why the hell do I even come home?" He yelled.

"Home?"

"Yeah. Here. This house. Home."

"This house is not a home. You don't care. No matter how hard I tried, you were never satisfied. I think that I am better off alone. You always disappear. Even when you are here this is not my home. By the time you come home I am already stoned. You turn off the TV and you scream at me. I can hardly wait until I leave this place and get you off my case."

"What the fuck? What do you mean? Stoned? You have been using drugs?"

"Didn't notice? I have been using for almost six months Joe."

"Get out of here. Get the hell out of my house Stephanie."

"Where do you want me to go?"

"Anywhere. Take your stash and fucking get out of my home."

"Alright. Goodbye Joe." The stash was the only thing that I took with me. It was in the cookie jar. Huh. It was ironic. The one place Joe never looked and the place that anyone else could have guessed. I went down to Stark and met up with my dealer. He was also a pimp on the side. I was a pretty piece of ass, so as long as I agreed to be his personal piece I was allowed to stay with him and he would keep me dosed for as long as I wanted. When he left after the first night I cried myself to sleep. This was what everyone had turned me into.

Stark Street was no different from Joe's. I wasn't happy and I was stoned all the time. The only difference was that if I fucked up with Jerome he would hit me. It was funny how no one cared to come get me. I saw Lula one day at Sherie's apartment.

"What are you doing here?" She asked me.

"I am here to get Sherie's money from last night. Jerome sent me."

"You workin' with Jerome?"

"She lives with him."

"What happened to you?" Lula asked. There were tears in her eyes.

"I got lost." I replied.

"This is how you find yourself?" She asked.

"No. This is how I forget what it was that I lost in the first place. No one cares anyway. Hell, I heard that Joe is already getting married."

"People care about you Stephanie."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Then how come no one has tried to save me?"

A look of pain crossed her face and she turned and left. I was right. No one cared. I collected Sherie's money and went 'home' to Jerome.

A week later Lula showed up with Tank at Jerome's apartment. I was dosing when they came through the door. There was a look of fury on Tank's face.

"What the hell are you doing to yourself Stephanie?"

"I don't know. You do though. Is this who you went running to Lula. Are the two of you going to save me?"

"We are going to try."

"Why try now Tank? Why didn't you try when you first saw me? Why get all indignant now. You two need to go home and mind your own business. No one can save me now. I am lost forever."

"We are going to get you cleaned up and fed and off of this shit."

"No you aren't. I have to be willing. I don't want to stop. There is no reason to. What do I have to go back to? No one cares about my opinion. Everyone wants me to be someone I am not. Even me. I don't know what I am anymore. I don't think I ever knew."

"You were and still are Stephanie Plum. You are the Bombshell Bounty Hunter of Trenton."

"No. Stephanie was what my mother wanted me to be. I wasn't happy as Stephanie. The Bombshell Bounty Hunter was what the papers wanted me to be. I wasn't truly happy then either. Cupcake was who Joe wanted me to be. I definitely wasn't happy then."

"When were you happy? Who do you want to be?" I was dazed and pretty stoned, but I still knew the answer to that question.

"Babe."

_See. Angst. I'm sorry, this story is really annoying me. I have to keep writing it to get it out of my head. That is the only way to do it. This chapter was based off of two songs. Home by Three Days Grace and Save Me by Shinedown._

_I'll be coming home  
Just to be alone  
Cause I know you're not there  
And I know that you don't care  
I can hardly wait to leave this place_

No matter how hard I try  
You're never satisfied  
This is not a home  
I think I'm better off alone  
You always disappear  
Even when you're here  
This is not my home  
I think I'm better off alone  
Home, home, this house is not a  
Home, home, this house is not a home

By the time you come home  
I'm already stoned  
You turn off the TV  
And you scream at me  
I can hardly wait  
Till you get off my case

No matter how hard I try  
You're never satisfied  
This is not a home  
I think I'm better off alone  
You always disappear  
Even when you're here  
This is not my home  
I think I'm better off alone  
Home, home, this house is not a  
Home, home, this house is not a

Home, home, this house is not a  
Home, home, this house is not a home

I'm better off alone

No matter how hard I try  
You're never satisfied  
This is not a home  
I think I'm better off alone  
You always disappear  
Even when you're here  
This is not my home  
I think I'm better off alone  
Home, home, this house is not a  
Home, home, this house is not a

Home, home, this house is not a  
Home, home, this house is not a home

_I've got a candle,  
And I've got a spoon  
I live in a hallway  
With no doors and no rooms  
Under the window sill  
They all were found   
A touch of concrete within a doorway  
Without a sound_

Chorus:

Someone save me if you will  
And take away all these pills  
And please just save me, if you can  
From the blasphemy in my wasteland

How did I get here  
And what went wrong  
Couldn't handle forgiveness  
Now I'am far beyond gone  
And I can hardly remember  
The look of my own eyes  
How could I love this  
A life so dishonest  
It made me compromise

Chorus

Jump in the water  
Jump in with me  
Jump on the altar  
Lay down with me  
My hardest question   
Too answer is  
WHY!!!

Chorus

Some one save me (x3)  
Somebody save me  
Somebody save me  
Please don't erase me


End file.
